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Grrr … Why Hasn’t He Called?

You went on a date.  You laughed.  You connected.  You parted on great terms, with the promise of doing it again soon.  Now it’s a miserable four days later and you don’t understand why your phone hasn’t buzzed.  So why hasn’t he called?

He’s dead.

Not that we would ever wish that upon anyone, but…  It’s entirely possible he was hit by a bus while he was on his way to buy you flowers.  Maybe he was so excited to call you that on the way home from your date he was dialing your number and didn’t see the uncovered manhole and fell in.  Odds are those things didn’t happen but possibly.

He’s a liar.

The entire time you were enjoying your mahi mahi and he was devouring lobster, his phone was in his pocket, silently taking calls from his girlfriend.  He told her he was working late but really, he was meeting you for dinner at the best seafood place in town.  They have been dating for years, but he saw you and couldn’t resist asking you out.  Good thing you didn’t kiss him goodnight.  He didn’t deserve it, anyway, the cheat.

He’s a mess.

He is somewhere, right now, wanting nothing more than to call you, but he can’t.  He lost his phone because he’s one of those people who puts things on top of their cars while re-fueling, and he took off without remembering to retrieve it.  He only stored your number in his phone, so he’s currently looking up your work number because he remembers you do … something … with numbers … somewhere …

He’s shallow.

Sigh.  Yes, you should have gotten those brows waxed before your date, even if it meant blowing off a meeting to schedule an appointment.  Those stray hairs spelled disaster for your evening.  He could barely hold a conversation with you without noticing the very slight unibrow growing between your eyes.  And who wants a man who pays that much close attention to detail, anyway?

He’s a snob.

You should never have told him you went to public school.  What were you thinking?  He is clearly a man who has lost half his family to corporate crime or “too much wealth” syndrome, in which the unbelievably rich do things we peasants would never endeavor, like snorkeling in oceans known for killer sharks.  He was shocked when you said you could have gone for your master’s but chose to spend the money on a trip to Europe instead.  Let him have his snobby upbringing – there are other fish in much safer seas.

It’s not him.  It’s you.

You’re too pretty, and you intimidated him.  He thinks you are out of his league, and he is probably right.  You are extremely successful, and he isn’t sure he could be in a relationship in which you would be the breadwinner.  Your knowledge of fine wine and complementary pairings made him feel insufficient.  And when you corrected him on the number of yards your favorite quarterback passed for last game, you made him feel like less of a man.  Be happy you are the reason he isn’t calling and sip your favorite Malbec in peace.